i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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