Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
