i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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