from now on my penis is your penis
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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