I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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