I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
