Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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