I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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