we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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