He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
