so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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