this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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