Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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