So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
