is your mom at the bar?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need a beard to bite.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
