Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
