she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i think i just lost a toe
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
