You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
