so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
