I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
