it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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