If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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