she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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