FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
