And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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