My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
