help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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