I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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