i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
