I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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