Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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