I'm lost and stupid without you.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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