i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I need to stop coming to work sober
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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