I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were destined to go to rehab together
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
