trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
