Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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