This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
only if we run a train.
done.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
