we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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