I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
