Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
