Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
