Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
