can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
