Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
