please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
