It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
