this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
