If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
