watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
