So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
