I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
