No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
