A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
