The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
