Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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