While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
