when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
