No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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