I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize