if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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