I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there's paper in my vomit.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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