He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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