I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
