Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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