If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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