I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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