Yo dont text me then not text me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
